I've been with better-looking guys

Artist: Fern Kinney
Title: Together We Are Beautiful
Year: 1979
Chart peak: 1

In pop music, there is a thin line between being uplifting and being just plain cheesy. One disc which treads very close to this line but just about manages to avoid toppling over it, is the one and only UK top 20 hit by Fern Kinney.

Hailing from Jackson, Mississippi, Kinney's first big break was joining local girl group The Poppies. The trio had a minor US hit in 1966, reaching number 56 with the lush "Lullaby of Love". Subsequent singles failed to build on this success, though their final release "There's A Pain In My Heart" became a favourite on the northern soul scene.

After the group split, Kinney first attempted a solo career, but her 1968 debut "Your Love's Not Reliable" bombed, so instead she became a session singer, her clients including former bandmate (and fellow one hit wonder) Dorothy Moore, and King Floyd, for whom she sang backing vocals on the 1970 US number 6 hit "Groove Me".

After taking time out to start a family, Kinney returned to recording in 1978, remaking "Groove Me" in a disco style. It was a big hit in the clubs, and for a follow-up she turned to "Together We Are Beautiful", a song first recorded in 1977 by its writer Ken Leray.



There's something about "Together We Are Beautiful" that just makes it sound like happiness distilled. Kinney's high-pitched vocals soar above a bouncy disco backing as she, basically, goes on about how happy she is because she's found a man and she loves him and he loves her and it's beautiful, oh so beautiful... and while I'd usually be the first to tut and say that it won't last, in this case it seems a bit pointless because it's all about the moment - not just a moment in love, but a perfect pop moment to boot.

The trouble with perfect moments is that they're very hard to recreate, and nothing else Fern Kinney recorded ever had quite the same magic. A flop album later, she returned to singing back-up and never stepped into the limelight again.

Put his mask on back-to-front-o

Artist: Quantum Jump
Title: The Lone Ranger
Year: 1979
Chart peak: 5

Taumata-whaka-tangi-hanga-kuayuwo-tamate-aturi-
pukaku-piki-maunga-horonuku-pokaiawhen-uaka-tana-
tahu-mataku-atanganu-akawa-miki-tora. There, I've said it. And in 1979 everyone was having a go at this tongue-twister, thanks to Quantum Jump's lead singer Rupert Hine who launched into their hit single with an unmistakeable chant - the supposed Maori name of a hill in New Zealand and allegedly the longest place name in the world.

Comprising Hine (vocals and keyboards), Trevor Morais (ex-Peddlers, drums), John Perry (bass) and Mark Warner (lead guitar), Quantum Jump had been around for a while, releasing two well-recieved albums of arty, quirky white funk. "The Lone Ranger" had actually been their debut single, released in 1976 in support of their debut LP, simply titled "Quantum Jump", but had done nothing at the time - until it was picked up by Kenny Everett, its Maori chant being used extensively on his radio and TV shows. A quick remix later, the song became a belated hit and suddenly kids across the land were chanting that distinctive intro, even if it did come out more like "Tomato wacky tangy thingy curry oo-whoo" (though I bet there was always one kid who had learnt the whole thing!).

But while it was the chant that everyone remembers, what about the rest of the song? Here it gets a bit strange. In SF/fantasy fandom there is a term, "slash fiction", which refers to fan-produced fiction in which characters, um, "get it on" - the original manifestation being stories about (and I can hardly believe this either) Kirk and Spock from the original Star Trek. Hardly logical, captain, but there it is. And here's the thing: according to Quantum Jump, the Lone Ranger and Tonto might, just might, have been lovers. After all, "Kemo sabe never ever have a woman". Okayyyy...

It doesn't take much of a leap to suppose that this was still a bit outre in 1976, which may explain why the song didn't take off back then. Three years later, it was a post-Village People musical landscape, and after those high-camp songs about young men getting their kicks in the Navy and the YMCA, the Lone Ranger and Tonto having a fumble probably seemed rather tame in comparison. (Their implied drug use - let's face it, something in that peace pipe is getting them high - might have been a cause for concern, but it seems to have passed un-noticed by the powers that be at the BBC.)

Quantum Jump were already just about over by the time The Lone Ranger rode into the charts, and apart from a quickie cash-in album comprising remixed and overdubbed versions of old material, the band's story pretty much ended there. Hine went back to his production work (his credits include Tina Turner, Howard Jones, Suzanne Vega and the original incarnation of Underworld) and Morais became a top session drummer.

And somewhere in the West, the Lone Ranger and Tonto are still laughing.

Get it: Quantum Jump CD including both the original and remixed versions of "The Lone Ranger".